found the most important role model for my daughter — in the mirror

julie and bella

I made a bold statement two weeks ago: we need new role models for our children. I also wanted to write about the three recipients of the Nobel Peace Prize — Ellen Johnson Sirleaf, Leymah Gbowee and Tawakkul Karman.

Since then I’ve struggled with what to write in this space and what to talk about with my child. The fact is these three women are wonderful role models, but how do you explain the impact of their work to a child? I’m definitely not ready for the inevitable questions that would follow.

Then the obvious hit me like giant anvil on the head. Right now my daughter’s most important role models are myself and her dad. I re-read the quotes that have been nagging me in my t-shirt post.

  • A quarter of young women would rather win “America’s Next Top Model” than the Nobel Peace Prize, according to Oxygen Media.
  • Most American women can name at least one Kardashian sister, but the majority can’t name a single branch of the federal government.

The key word here is women not children. If I am my daughter’s role model now, is it fair to say that my role models may become her role models in the future? Maybe my job right now is to pay attention to what she sees me reading and watching.

It could be little things like choosing Time instead of People magazine or the evening news instead of Access Hollywood. It could be bigger things like watching a documentary or choosing a biography that’s more age appropriate so I can talk about it with her.

One thing I know for sure, I’m going to continue seeking out the stories that are getting lost in today’s world, and I still plan on writing about them. When the time comes to talk about them with my daughter, I want to be ready.

resource: I’ve mentioned Lisa Bloom’s book Think. I read it around the same time my daughter started kindergarten. Those two events really shocked me into paying more attention to messages my daughter is receiving from myself and our culture. Here’s a video clip with some of the questions Bloom asked college students for her book. The answers may surprise you!

talking about better role models for our children

Since I wrote “Which came first: dumb t-shirts or dumb attitudes?” I’ve been doing a lot of thinking, reading, watching and writing — trying to figure out how I’m going to help my child become a smart, successful, confident adult.

I’ve also been trying to sort out my feelings for this blog post all week and they are all over the place. There are so many things that make me angry and frustrated, but based on the comments on the t-shirt post, I know I’m not alone. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

We know these attitudes exist and have strong opinions about them, so awareness isn’t the issue for us. Plus, there are plenty of blogs out there already focusing on that. Instead, I’d like to focus on the good.

Here’s a simple analogy: One of the ways to rid your lawn of weeds is not to kill them with poison, but to plant more grass seed. More grass plants will thicken the lawn and prevent weeds from sprouting.

Too many stories about hope, courage, strength, bravery, determination, faith, cooperation and kindness are getting lost in today’s world. I want to celebrate these stories, these people and their work. Our children need better role models than what they are getting.

I’d like to start by talking about the three women who won the Nobel Peace Prize, but they deserve their own post. The documentary “Pray the Devil Back to Hell,” which focuses on Leymah Gbowee’s work toward peace in Liberia, airs next Tuesday on PBS. I plan to have something written up by then. You can view some powerful clips from the movie here.