Last night I went to see Sex in the City with Lauren and Barb. I felt a little sad afterwards, like I missed something I used to have, but couldn’t put my finger on it. I thought maybe it was living in a big city or living the metropolitan lifestyle. It definitely wasn’t the designer clothes. I really do prefer flip flops over heels.

While M was watching Sesame Street today, I started to re-read The Artist’s Way. I did this once before, maybe 10 years ago. I picked it up again because my creative endeavors these days are all over the place. I need to focus. I need to figure out what I’m going to do with the next phase of my life. Will it be graphic design or something new?

As I was reading, I realized what it was last night that made me sad. I miss writing! (For those of you not familiar with Sex in the City, the main character is a writer.) Not blog posts, not technical website, brochure writing, but personal writing. Writing about life. I can’t remember the last time that I did it.

I’ve always been a writer, even when I defined myself as an Art Director or Graphic Designer. Writing has always been there somewhere in my life. I thought the little hole I was feeling inside lately was that I hadn’t been designing as much as I’m used to doing. For years I was creative on demand all day, almost every day. Now I get to pick and choose what I will do and when I will do it. I thought that would be liberating, but it hasn’t. I’m one of those people who works best under pressure and within constraints. I like challenges and problem solving.

But I think the little hole might be because I’m not writing. I’m not sure where I want to start, though. Here? On the blog? This spot has become more like a categorization of events: pictures, finished projects, recipes—a record of things done. Do thoughts and dreams and reflections belong here or somewhere else?

I’m not sure. I do know that I definitely need to work through the Artist’s Way again. It’s going to take some dedication. 12 weeks of dedication! I’m going to have to make some lifestyle changes to fit it in. My personal time is already so limited. I think it will be worth it, though. Actually, I don’t think I can afford not to do it.

 

2 Responses to finding my way

  1. Sarah M says:

    I didn’t know you were a writer. Do you journal or write poetry? What was your main form?
    PS–Goals definitely find their way onto blogs! I love making lists of goals (and even more when I can use the “strikeout” of them being achieved!)
    Good Luck!

  2. Sarah M says:

    PS–I forgot to mention that I won’t be at knitting group this Wed. as it is our anniversary. I don’t think Stefan would be too happy about me wanting to knit instead of hanging out with him on that day! HA!