MSNBC is showing the Today Show news broadcast from September 11th in real time today. Last night I discussed with T why anyone would want to watch this. I also wondered if I would (or should). T asked me what I thought the positives of watching would be. It took me a long time to answer. On the one hand, watching simply to relive the fear, anxiety, anger and sadness seemed pointless to me. It was such a tragic day. Why would someone want to relive that?

On the other hand, so much of our present day lives have been molded by this day. I can’t think of any aspect of our country that hasn’t been affected, both nationally and internationally. Even if Iraq didn’t have anything to do with the attack, the war has created a link that can’t be broken. I think it’s important to remember the events that are having such a profound effect on our lives.

To say remember sounds weird, though. I don’t think I will ever forget sitting in my office on 16th and K taking a phone call from my brother: They are saying there is another plane headed toward Washington, DC. I think that changed me forever. Unfortunately, I don’t have the words to explain how, so I’m not even going to try.

It’s easy to sit in Lincoln, Nebraska and feel safe. We have, in my opinion, a false sense of security living out here. (We meaning T and myself. I’m not speaking for anyone else in Lincoln.) This sense of security can cause you to not deal with your feelings. When you’re not faced with overcoming your fears everyday, they get stuffed down inside. You start to wonder if you have really dealt with them or if they are just living inside somewhere swirling around in your head.

So, I decided to watch. I’m watching right now as I write this. I’ve decided to remember. I’ve decided to deal with those feelings. I have dealt with them every year since the attacks and I probably will continue to do so. And I sit here watching my daughter happily taking bandaids out of the box and stuffing them back in over and over while the news is on in the background and I hope and pray that she doesn’t experience anything in her life that changes her this way.

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